Jesus Christ!

Not to use the Lord's name in vain, but Jesus Christ it's been a long time since my last post. Seriously, though how, have you people survived without me? Want to have a really fucking good time? Read through all of UD Gossip Girl's old posts, they're hysterical. And yet so much hasn't been reported on because I was on my much needed hiatus. Want a brief summary of all the best shit? Here you go, you can thank me later:

Mommy went home with a random boy on Halloween. Yes you read that right, MOMMY! I wonder what got into that girl. Oh wait I know, a shit ton of alcohol. And once that kind of thing happens once, it's bound to happen again. And I for one cannot wait to report it all to you when it does! | Mface had her way with plenty of boys and had them all begging for more. I can respect a girl that knows how to have a good time. Just as long as that good time is not with that douche known as Justin Bobby. | Double K and her BF are as adorable as ever. How fucking boring! Why don't you have some drama so I can report on it, kthnx. | Little K is just as awkward as she's always been. She deleted her FB for a while, maybe as a plot to change her awkward ways, but once awkward, always awkward, sorry hun! | Lfed is her normal South Green self. Boring, emo, useless. At least she quit band, so I guess people can't hold that against her, but her record will always be tarnished. | Non-Gay and the GF are officially back together. So I guess non-GF is no longer a suitable nickname. Any suggestions, let me know people. | And we have a beautiful new addition to gossip column, Asian Baby! She's Mommy's adopted Asian baby, and a perfect source of scandal since she takes after Mface and knows everyyyone. Plus it takes AB about .5 of a shot to get wasted. I cannot wait to see the shit she'll get into.

That's the update, darlings. Maybe I'll post more frequently, maybe I won't. You'll just have to stay tuned in to find out.

You Know You Love Me,
xoxo Gossip Girl